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3.11.2011

for now...

There are moments in my day where my world just stands still.  
It hits me hard, but it is silent.  
When it leaves I am not sure whether to be grateful for the relief or long once more for the silence.
I just miss her...



Streams in the Dessert  L.B. Cowman
March 11
Yesterday you experienced a great sorrow, and now your home seems empty.  Your first impulse is to give up and to sit down in despair amid your dashed hopes.  Yet you must defy that temptation, for you are at the front line of the battle, and the crisis is at hand.  Faltering even one moment would put God's interest at risk.  Other lives will be harmed by your hesitation, and His work will suffer if you simply fold your hands.  You must not linger at this point, even to indulge your grief.

We never completely recover from our greatest griefs and are never exactly the same after having passed through them.  Yet sorrow that is endured in the right spirit impacts our growth favorably and brings us a greater sense of compassion for others.  "The joy set before" (Heb. 12:2) us should shine on our griefs just as the sun shines through the clouds, making them radiant.


...if we will turn from the gloom and remain faithful to the calling of God, the light will shine again and we will grow STRONGER.  J.R Miller  


I have steered many conversations, ignored many phone calls, and put off encounters...
I am not sure how to respond.
 I guess...I know I'm just not in the "right spirit".
I'll get there.
I just need to know in my heart that I am not putting "His interests at risk" because of my sadness.






So for now...
I am going to be a mom and a wife.

Something I know that kept that sweet smile on her face!



   





8 comments:

Ashly said...

Hey Sara, I'm glad you updated, love the pictures. I completely understand if you need more time before talking or hanging out, BUT I also want you to know that you don't have to be in the "right spirit" to talk. You can be however you need to be. I love you and think about you so many times a day!

Gramee said...

All I want to say is...I love YOU and your family more than you know. I watched and listened...quietley in
amazement of the strenth and courage each one of you had... YOU and your Family are so BLESSED to have had a Momma so special and so strong...Something I know now that she passed on to all of you. YOU are loved and prayed for every nite...Just remember little Sarah... Jesus is holding you tenderly in his hands!!!! YOU ARE LOVED!!!!

jennifer said...

Sara, you guys have been on my thoughts constantly. Praying for you. HOLY COW< your baby pic is little R completely!! Thats amazing. I love you and I am just praying that just as your sweet mother is resting in peace, so may you.
I am so excited about the walk you are doing and definitely want to contribute!

the nelsons said...

Thinking of you daily!! And I have to say that I've always thought Rilynn looked a lot like Chris, UNTIL I saw this picture!! She has your smile for sure!!

"Katie" said...

Praying.
That with every step, God walk beside you ...
that He comfort you...
and that He hold your hand tightly, guiding, and giving you strenth for each day.
(...keep that chin up.)

WalkerBunch06 said...

Sara, I'm so very very sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. I saw Missy in the pediatricians office last week and nearly asked about your mother. You and your family are in my prayers. The loss of family is so devestating. I just lost my father-in-law last week and it's so hard....I can't imgaine what you must be feeling.
Hope

The Lewis Family said...

Always thinking of you! I am so glad i knew your mom, she was such a wonderful woman! I can't believe how much R looks like you in that picture -its amazing!

Diane said...

Sara, just wanted you to know that I love you and pray for you and your family daily. I love the pictures of you and your mother. Rilynn looks just like you. Your mother has left a wonderful legacy